People do crazy things for love, including moving abroad. When you’re caught up in the magic of a new relationship, you can easily lose sight of the bigger picture and make snap decisions about things without thinking about it properly. I’m not saying you shouldn’t follow your heart and make sacrifices for the ones you love, but you need to think rationally. One of the biggest decisions that you can make in a relationship is whether to move to another country to be with your partner. It might be that they’re from another country and you met them while you were away or maybe they’ve been offered a new career opportunity abroad and they don’t want to choose between you and the job.
Whatever the reason, leaving everything behind and starting your life again in a new country is a huge thing and a decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Even though at the time you might think that ending the relationship is out of the question, sometimes it is the right thing to do. Before you make that decision, think about these things.
What Is There For You?
Obviously, the main reason for considering the move is so you can be with your partner, but if that’s the only thing there for you, the move isn’t a good idea. Before you decide whether to move or not, you need to think about what you’re going to do when you get over there. You have your own career and life goals and if there aren’t any job opportunities in your area, you’ll have to sacrifice all of your aspirations for your partner. Look into what jobs are available and what hobbies etc. you can involve yourself in to make sure that you can still do all of the things that you want to do in life, even in that new country. A relationship is about give and take and if your partner is expecting you to sacrifice everything so you can live out their dreams, that isn’t healthy.
Could They Come To You?
If your partner wants you to move to another country with them for work opportunities then staying where you are isn’t an option. But if you both live in different countries and your partner is asking you to come to them so you can be together, you need to ask why you necessarily have to be the one that moves across the world. Why couldn’t they come to you? When you’re trying to decide which of you should move, there are a lot of things to think about.
Firstly, what about the legal implications of moving? Getting a visa varies from country to country; in some places, it’s easier than others so check out FISA Immigration to see whether it would be simpler for you to get a partner visa and have them come to you, rather than you trying to get a visa for whatever country they’re living in.
You also need to think about where you are in your career. If one of you is making good progress at the job you’re in and starting again somewhere else would mean taking a big step backward, that should be taken into account.
Family is another thing to consider. One of you might have family members that are unwell or elderly and need caring for, in which case you’ll want to stay close by.
If your partner asks you to move over to be with them without even considering that they could come to you, you need to weigh up all of these different things and decide which country works best for both of you.
If they are asking you to move because they’ve got job opportunities over there, consider whether they would be willing to do the same if the tables were turned. If it was you that was offered a job in another country, would they be willing to make all of the sacrifices that you’re making for them? If the answer is no, you shouldn’t do the same for them.
Would You Stay For The Rest Of Your Life?
If you’re even considering moving to another country to be with somebody, you must be pretty serious about that relationship and you must see a future. Eventually, you’ll want to get married and settle down with that person and probably spend the rest of your life in your new country. There’s a big difference between going to stay somewhere for a few months or even years, and going to live there for the rest of your life. Things like job opportunities etc. are important but you need to think about whether you like the culture of the country, the people that live there, and even the weather. If you don’t do well with the cold and your partner wants to live somewhere where it snows for half the year, are you going to be able to deal with that for the rest of your life? You also need to remember the practical stuff that impacts you later in life. Do they offer good pensions, for example? Even if you’ve visited the place and loved it, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be happy living there for the rest of your life.
Can You Afford It?
Once you’ve answered all of those other questions, you need to start thinking about the practicalities of moving. Getting a house out there, moving all of your stuff over and then surviving until you can find work is going to cost you a lot of money. If you can’t afford it properly, you’ll start your new life over there in the midst of money troubles which can put a lot of strain on the relationship. Getting on top of your finances and working out exactly how much the move is going to cost, then saving up plenty before you go out there, is the key to making an already stressful period of the relationship more manageable.
Are You Scared Of Being Alone?
Sometimes, life circumstances get in the way of a relationship and even though you love each other, things have to come to an end. When a partner asks you to make a big sacrifice like moving abroad and you agree, you need to ask yourself whether you’re doing it because you really want to give up your life for that person, or whether you’re just afraid of being alone. If you aren’t fully invested in the relationship and you’re just agreeing to the move because you’re worried about being left on your own, the relationship won’t last.
What Happens If You Break Up?
At the moment, when you’re thinking about moving halfway around the world to be with your partner, breaking up seems like an impossibility. The thing is, you never know what might happen in the future. People and circumstances change and no matter how sure you are about the relationship right now, there is always the chance that things could break down in the future. If this does happen, you need to think about what you’re going to do. You’ll be left on your own in another country without all of your friends and family around you. Of course, you could always move back home again but that means upending your entire life again.
This isn’t something that you want to think about but you should discuss it with your partner before you make any decisions. Answering a lot of the other questions on this list will help you decide on a plan. For example, if it is a country that you are willing to spend the rest of your life in, you can always stay even if you and your partner don’t end up staying together.
When your partner asks you to move abroad to be with them, you might be tempted to say yes straight away. You don’t want to be apart from them and moving abroad is an amazing adventure. But you have to be realistic about things and consider all of the implications of moving.
Most importantly, you have to go and spend some time out there first. Going out for a couple of weeks is a good way to get an idea of the place and whether you might like living there but if you want to make a proper, informed decision, you should see if you can stay out there for a couple of months and get involved in life in a new country. If your partner is going to move either way, it might be worth waiting until they’ve gone and then going to stay with them for 6 months. You can spend that time looking at job opportunities, trying to meet friends and generally experiencing life in another country. Once you’ve done that, you’ll know whether you’re likely to find work and you’ll have a much better idea of whether you can see yourself living out there for the rest of your life. The most important thing is to do what feels right for you, not somebody else.